Solitude

I feel as though I have reconnected with an old friend.

Last summer, after ending the school year on some less-than-positive notes (a major break-up, the loss of a best friend) I decided that the coming summer, the summer going into my sophomore year of college, was going to be all about me. Initially, I didn’t exactly know what that meant. I knew that I wanted to pay a lot of attention to myself, and my well being both physically and mentally, but I didn’t have a precise plan on how to do that.

My family was going to Nantucket Island, as we have ever summer since before I can even remember. I hate Nantucket. I always feel spoiled when I make declarations about the island because, obviously enough, what kind of person despises spending their summer on a beautiful island paradise? Well—if you’ve ever visited Nantucket or know anything about the islands reputation, then chances are that you know it tends to attract quite a large population of New England elitists. Now I know I shouldn’t let that get in my way of enjoying the island itself, and don’t get me wrong Nantucket is most certainly a beautiful place, but I’ve been going every summer since the day I was born and it is most certainly a place that is preferable in small dosages. To make things worse, I’m a bit of a black sheep among the Nantucket community. I don’t wear Lilly Pulitzer dresses and large pearls. I don’t enjoy yachting. I despise terrible, selfish people. I don’t give a crap about how expensive your house in Aspen was. Turns out, the majority of the Nantucket population is everything that I am not—so naturally, I’m an outcast.

If I’m honest, it’s true that I outcasted myself. But that’s merely because the majority of the people on Nantucket are the type of people that I prefer not to associate with. Sure, there are always a few exceptions, but regardless I have purely negative feelings towards the place.

All in all, I knew that on Nantucket, after the series of unfortunate events that occurred during the school year, and working a 75-hour week as a waitress at two separate restaurants, the summer was not going to be a happy one.

Eventually I was able to draft up a plan for what it was I wanted to do with my summer. I maintained a vegan diet, exercised almost everyday before work, and took up meditation.

Honestly, I owe a lot of my happiness to the peace and tranquility that I was able to attain through chakra meditation and yoga. I discovered within myself a spirituality that I often times wish I could reconnect with here at Carnegie Mellon. It helped me ignore the remarks of rude and stuck-up costumers at work, it helped me repair my damaged psyche, it helped me feel sane.

That being said, when our class was dared to complete two hours of nothing—I was more than ecstatic to do so. I occupied the large walk-in closet in my Fairfax apartment, asked my roommate not to disturb me, laid down my Tibetan meditation cloth, lit some incense, and emptied my mind. Clarity, my old friend, how I missed you so.

Cheers,

Meela