meditate

I tried the meditation exercise this weekend while my roommate was away mentoring for Emerging Leaders so that I would have the apartment to myself for the whole time. Before I start recounting my experience I have a confession. I cheated a little bit. I made lunch before starting my time and ate during the meditation, even though I tacked on extra time at the end to make up for it, I do consider eating part of the doing nothing experiment. Thoreau sometimes talked about the pure pleasure of consuming food, and doing it as a singular, all-absorbing activity. I never just eat. I am always eating and planning or eating and reading, or even doing double duty with my leisure time and eating while watching TV or stumbling. I had made a really simple Chinese style fried rice for lunch and so I closed my laptop, set the alarm on my phone and commenced eating. At first I couldn't stop myself from eating really fast, like it was just something to get over with before I could do something else, but gradually I forced myself to realize that there simply wasn't anything pressing for my to do once I finished, and I was amazed at how slow I ate after that. I felt the texture of the rice, the carrots. For the first time in a while I really looked at my food, and I was amazed at all of the colors I had missed before. I don't know if you've ever cooked with turmeric and olive oil before , but if you ever do I want you to notice the bright neon yellow color it makes.

After eating I set my plate to the side and tried to do nothing. I let my mind wander for a while, but It kept making up stories or planning out how I was going to blog about doing nothing. One by one I tried to shut the thoughts off like tightening a spigot, but the main product was that I started to doze a little. Clearly letting my thoughts police themselves was not working.

I moved to the floor, and I sat on my hands to keep them from creeping up into my hair to make those tiny braids like I usually do when I'm bored. I have resolved not to do anything with my hands that are usually so busy typing and crocheting and writing. I try to plug up thoughts that have to do with all of the things I'm not doing, and the image of a cartoon figure trying to stop water flowing from ten holes with all appendages comes to mind. The most stubborn thoughts are my inner narrative loop, dictating the experience in poetic play-by-play. Finally I come to terms with doing nothing. I breathe in. I breathe out. I try not to think about it, but just let my mind go blank. Even the though manager disappears, and for a few moments I don't think about anything, my mind simply registering the fact of existence and experience, but then I start to worry about falling asleep again.

The alarm was a welcome relief.