Something Akin to Freedom

The passage in which Jacobs explains why she chooses Mr. Sand to be her lover is one of the saddest things I’ve ever read:

“He was an educated and eloquent gentleman; too eloquent, alas, for the poor slave girl who trusted him. Of course I saw whither all this was tending; but to be an object of interest to a man…who is not her master, is agreeable to the pride and feelings of a slave…it seems less degrading to give one’s self, than to submit to compulsion. There is something akin to freedom in having a lover who has no control over you, except that which he gains by kindness and attachment” (47).

The way Jacobs negotiated her sexual autonomy was so sad and compelling. It’s hard to imagine having to be that cunning, especially because all her planning does not ensure her personal happiness, just allows her to choose the lesser of two evils. If she’d submitted to Dr. Flint, she would have been raped: coercion is the same as force. By choosing to sleep with Mr. Sand, she saves herself from Flint, who presumably won’t want her once someone else has had sex with her. But her relationship with Mr. Sand is problematic too. Because of their races, there’s a huge power difference: like Flint, Mr. Sand indicates sexual interest in her, and he probably has the authority to get what he wants without being nice. Jacobs picks him precisely because he has enough respect for her to refrain from force. But Jacobs also notes that he is “too eloquent…for the poor slave girl who trusted him,” implying that he took advantage of her to some degree. This is easy to believe: he knew what her situation with Flint was. Jacobs may be saying that he suggested sleeping with him was a way to save herself from Flint. In this way, he’s sort of coercing her too: he is presenting himself as a savior from her master, but sexual favors are the only way to obtain salvation. Jacobs also very clearly takes advantage of his interest in her, however. She consciously uses it to get Flint off her back. Her relationship with Sand feels kind of like a business deal: Sand gets a lover, Jacobs gets a little bit of freedom (though she loses her reputation and a big chunk of her self respect).

In the passage, this line hit me the hardest: “There is something akin to freedom in having a lover who has no control over you.” The idea that both freedom over your own life and having a sexual partner who doesn’t have complete power over you are luxuries, almost pipe dreams, is heartbreaking. It shows just how powerless Jacobs was. These are things most people take for granted and believe they deserve. Jacobs knows she deserve these things, but she also knows that deserving something and having the world recognize your right to it if you are a slave are two very different things.